two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize