and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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