Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
