He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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