she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
