then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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