Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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