She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
