i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
