i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
