They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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