the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
