i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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