That's when you crack a 10am beer
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
