i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize
