I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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