Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
