im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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