Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
