sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
even my farts smell like vagina
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize