one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
