How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I FOUND THE LEGS
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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