If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
