So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize