Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
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