Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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