pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
