I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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