Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
