Ambien. No doubt about it.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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