Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
