on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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