he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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