My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I don't deserve a penis
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
