You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
