I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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