This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
