Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
you made out with another girl for some wings
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
