I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
