I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize