Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
