Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
