You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
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