She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
dude i'm inner monologue high
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
