3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
