Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
