omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
