We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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