weddingsv make me drug and hornr
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
