people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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