Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
