You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
