it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
