What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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