i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
