Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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