There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
