the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
