The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
