so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
my shit smells like andre
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
