Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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