I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I just want to make out with him forever
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
