I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Randomize
