did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize