And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You are a genius and a whore.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
