I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
