Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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