I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
