At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
