I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
