all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
