if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i dont even know how to be here
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize