I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Boobs speak an international language.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
