the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
