I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
