I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
This is the high leading the old right now
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
