there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Houston, we have a blender
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
