i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
