Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize