had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
