no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize