I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
