Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
