omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
