i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
God, I missed his penis.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
