I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
you made out with another girl for some wings
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
dude. I can hear the air.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
