i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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