I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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