I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize