I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
