I'm going to rape someone's good day.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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