Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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