Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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