they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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