Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
she looked like the before picture.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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