Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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