its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
