I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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