I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
