The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
