His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
