And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
