I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize