I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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