please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
